Man Rules and the Pee Pee Dance

There are a couple of things I would like to discuss today, first are the basic man rules and the second is what I feel should be an addition to those rules. The basic man rules are fairly universal; most important of these revolve around men’s room etiquette.  While in the men’s room it is customary to leave a space between two men while at urinals, this may not always be possible because of the amount of those utilizing the men’s room and the number of urinals.  It is always accepted that when possible never stand right next to another man while pissing in a urinal.  However it is completely acceptable to stand in a line shoulder to shoulder pissing while outdoors, say on the side of the road or in the snow. In a men’s room it’s just not right.

Even though there are several other rules that we accept, as the male of the species, I feel the need to add one more to the rules that we should follow and be more than happy to.  This rule is fairly simple, and yes it does deal with pissing and men’s rooms. Please allow me to build this up a little more.  This rant is based on an experience yesterday and while I felt that this proposed rule would be self evident and should never even have to be proposed, my experience causes me to sit down and address this totally unacceptable situation.  

As I was disposing of two cups of coffee and a bottle of Gatorade around ten in the morning yesterday a tall Captain entered the restroom and took his place next to me at a urinal.  As a Captain he has been in the Army long enough to have had the Man Rules explained to him. Had this been a rest room with only two spots I could have accepted this and probably would have without even noticing, but alas there are three here. This was the first breaking of the Man Rules.  Keeping to one of the other Man Rules I did not speak with him about this; only sports, women and cars are acceptable here.  Then to my dismay he started to hum.  NO HUMMING in the men’s room, it’s creepy.  I don’t think gays do this in the men’s room while pissing. After beginning to hum he starts to dance, yes dance while pissing.  I used to do that when I was about four years old, and maybe when I drunk and alone, but never in a public restroom.   It’s creepy. Just plain creepy.

So I humbly ask the powers that be to add the following to the Man Rules: not humming or dancing while at a urinal in a public restroom.

Technology Overload

Yes it has been a long time since I have sat down and taken the proverbial pen to paper. The idea and desire to return to this has been in the back of my mind for a while and now an item has appeared that I feel requires me to raise awareness at the overall absurdity of it.

Please allow me to confess a few things first so you don’t think that I am on a soap box. I love the technology of today; I barely ever leave the room without my Blackberry, there is always a computer that is logged onto the internet within a few feet of me and I have not used a road map in the last four years. However, a recent purchase made me fully aware of a trend in our world and I feel that this purchase has taken it too far.

Earlier today I went out and purchased the new Playboy magazine with the 3D centerfold and glasses. The fact that 3D movies and televisions are all the rage, some things should remain sacred and one of those is Hef’s centerfolds. I really didn’t want to look at a picture of a beautiful woman with stupid paper glasses on my face; glasses that remove all color and warmth from the photo. Without those glasses she looks like I have spent a long night with my old friend McChuggin in a fairly successful attempt to consume all of the alcohol on the face of the earth.

As I have not really made a point yet I will attempt to do so now. We don’t really need everything that is out there. Now while you are reading (if anyone actually reads this) this on Facebook or at least somewhere on the internet there was a time when an idea (or rant) like this was actually published by men who took little pieces of steels and arranged them in a way that mimicked the handwritten word. The art of printing took the ideas of the meek, the immodest, the famous or the infamous and gave them to the world. And one fact is still true; it worked. Common Sense was put out to the world this way and the effects are still ever present in our lives. The technology that we love and enjoy is bordering on becoming too much of a good thing, let’s take a step back and enjoy some of the old ways of doing things. Then take a picture of it and post it on the web.

The Decline

Since the invention of the first writing implement man has dedicated himself to the noble pursuit of capturing and spreading wisdom. There has been only one pursuit that he has lent more effort to, porn. From the cave drawings and stone art of naked women and paintings of the Old Masters to silent movies and now to the internet, man has sought to produce desirable images of the human form. Weather it was a miniature statue with a couple of melons or a short film of Paris sucking another nobody until her face is covered is spooge, man loves porn.

Now we have the internet, a means to convey and build ideas that could cure cancer, increase the GNP of third world countries or even bring about world peace. So what do we do the most with this incredible source of potential power? What the fuck do you think we do with it; we sit here and look for more porn. The internet is used more for looking at tits and pussy than any other purpose. Even lesbians and gays have stuff out there for them.

Please don’t think that I have any problem with this. (Kiddie porn I have a real problem with, but me and my Sig will gladly discuss that with people.) Hell I look at my fair share of it, and then some of your share probably, but lets face it people we need something new.

I have seen most of the porn on the web, everything from cute 18 year old girls taking six or seven unnaturally large cocks at the same time to a 80 year old lady getting herself off on some machine. I have seen men and women bound and gagged during the act, people cut or hung from the ceiling just trying to find something new to sell to us perverted fucks to get off on. Animal porn, seen it. BDSM, seen it. Orgies, seen it. Lesbians, seen it. Chicks with the washing machine, seen it. Dudes with vacuum cleaners, unfortunately seen it. Midget porn, seen it. Fatty porn, seen it. Ass to mouth, seen it. I can’t think of anything I haven’t seen.

For a while it was my quest to find something new. I would spend hours just looking for something that I hadn’t seen yet, but it has all been the same for the past several years. Maybe the internet has taken what was once for those seeking enlightenment and to produce some great piece of art while trying to get laid and destroyed our creativity.

Oh well, the next time I suffer a bout of insomnia I am sure I will once again set out on my quest for fresh porn that proves that our minds have not wasted away or at least use that as my excuse to flog myself for a few hours.

The Journey

Over the past couple of weeks it seems that the idea that the journey is more important that the destination has arisen. It first popped up when I received an email from my uncle. This was not his normal email, the ones with the pictures of tits and ass or a great Little Johnny joke, this told a story and asked a profound question. What is more important, the journey or the destination?

Yes, I know that this topic has been addressed before countless times and by minds greater than mine. It has been the subject of unforgettable poems by Robert Frost and catchy tunes by Tom Cochrane. Yet I do feel the need to address this on my own.

For me, the journey is what has value, and not what is at the end of that trip. I recently met an older gentleman and had the chance to sit and talk with him for a spell. This man and spoke of culture differences and an array of other topics until our conversation eventually led to this very topic. He asserted that a person who used poison gas to gain power in order to do great good for the world was justified, I had to disagree. I do not believe Machiavelli to be right in saying the end justifies the means. Does an engagement ring mean as much to the women you love if you steal her a three carat diamond or spend you last fifty dollars at the pawn shop on a piece of glass just so have something to give her that symbolizes your love?

The journey is what we make it, in the end when we look back and see how we got to where we are now was the end worth what we had to do get here. Or was the reward not really as great as it once seemed. I have driven across the entire U.S., from Seattle Washington to Buffalo New York to see family and friends, and it was a wasted trip, I spent the whole time in Buffalo dreading the drive back. Then I have taken the same trip and stopped along the way to see the sights, meet people and this had made the whole thing much more worth it.

Those two drives have proven to be a metaphor for my life, if I take my time and enjoy the moment then it seems that everything works out, those times that I push my way to the end, everything seems to fall apart.

Let me leave you with this, stop by a friends just to say hi, get her number, pull off and see the world biggest ball of rubber bands and take the moment for what it is and let the journey be worth it.