Man Rules and the Pee Pee Dance

There are a couple of things I would like to discuss today, first are the basic man rules and the second is what I feel should be an addition to those rules. The basic man rules are fairly universal; most important of these revolve around men’s room etiquette.  While in the men’s room it is customary to leave a space between two men while at urinals, this may not always be possible because of the amount of those utilizing the men’s room and the number of urinals.  It is always accepted that when possible never stand right next to another man while pissing in a urinal.  However it is completely acceptable to stand in a line shoulder to shoulder pissing while outdoors, say on the side of the road or in the snow. In a men’s room it’s just not right.

Even though there are several other rules that we accept, as the male of the species, I feel the need to add one more to the rules that we should follow and be more than happy to.  This rule is fairly simple, and yes it does deal with pissing and men’s rooms. Please allow me to build this up a little more.  This rant is based on an experience yesterday and while I felt that this proposed rule would be self evident and should never even have to be proposed, my experience causes me to sit down and address this totally unacceptable situation.  

As I was disposing of two cups of coffee and a bottle of Gatorade around ten in the morning yesterday a tall Captain entered the restroom and took his place next to me at a urinal.  As a Captain he has been in the Army long enough to have had the Man Rules explained to him. Had this been a rest room with only two spots I could have accepted this and probably would have without even noticing, but alas there are three here. This was the first breaking of the Man Rules.  Keeping to one of the other Man Rules I did not speak with him about this; only sports, women and cars are acceptable here.  Then to my dismay he started to hum.  NO HUMMING in the men’s room, it’s creepy.  I don’t think gays do this in the men’s room while pissing. After beginning to hum he starts to dance, yes dance while pissing.  I used to do that when I was about four years old, and maybe when I drunk and alone, but never in a public restroom.   It’s creepy. Just plain creepy.

So I humbly ask the powers that be to add the following to the Man Rules: not humming or dancing while at a urinal in a public restroom.

Technology Overload

Yes it has been a long time since I have sat down and taken the proverbial pen to paper. The idea and desire to return to this has been in the back of my mind for a while and now an item has appeared that I feel requires me to raise awareness at the overall absurdity of it.

Please allow me to confess a few things first so you don’t think that I am on a soap box. I love the technology of today; I barely ever leave the room without my Blackberry, there is always a computer that is logged onto the internet within a few feet of me and I have not used a road map in the last four years. However, a recent purchase made me fully aware of a trend in our world and I feel that this purchase has taken it too far.

Earlier today I went out and purchased the new Playboy magazine with the 3D centerfold and glasses. The fact that 3D movies and televisions are all the rage, some things should remain sacred and one of those is Hef’s centerfolds. I really didn’t want to look at a picture of a beautiful woman with stupid paper glasses on my face; glasses that remove all color and warmth from the photo. Without those glasses she looks like I have spent a long night with my old friend McChuggin in a fairly successful attempt to consume all of the alcohol on the face of the earth.

As I have not really made a point yet I will attempt to do so now. We don’t really need everything that is out there. Now while you are reading (if anyone actually reads this) this on Facebook or at least somewhere on the internet there was a time when an idea (or rant) like this was actually published by men who took little pieces of steels and arranged them in a way that mimicked the handwritten word. The art of printing took the ideas of the meek, the immodest, the famous or the infamous and gave them to the world. And one fact is still true; it worked. Common Sense was put out to the world this way and the effects are still ever present in our lives. The technology that we love and enjoy is bordering on becoming too much of a good thing, let’s take a step back and enjoy some of the old ways of doing things. Then take a picture of it and post it on the web.